halloween dilemma

dear marc,

HEY BABY, let’s talk shop: this week we’re working in the costume shop, because halloween is only MOMENTS away and i’ve been obsessing over my costume for ages. OBVIOUSLY, i’m going as our favorite anorexic, coked-out fashionista/deceptively shrewd business woman, mary-kate olsen:

my checklist:

1. oversized flannel that barely covers my business: CHECK
2. MAJOR sunglasses: CHECK
3. black tights: OH YES CHECK
4. stringy, kind-of-strawberry-blonde-kind-of-just-filthy hair: CHECKKKKK
minor details i’m still waiting on…
1. fresh pack of marlboro reds (mk smokes reds, ashley smokes parliaments. YES I’M A STALKER)
2. florescent red lips
3. venti starbucks cup filled with black coffee (for the purposes of my night, i’ll probably just fill it with vodka)
4. giant, baby-stealing purse
you’d think i’d be super excited about my costume and planning all the wacky adventures i could have in it, but i was putting all the pieces together in my head today and i’m kind of worried that i’ll look less mary-kate, and more buffalo bill from the silence of the lambs:

clearly, there’s a fine line between the two ON A GOOD DAY, so god only knows which way i’ll fall when i’m all made up and completely polluted at a bar. pray for me marc. baby needs your prayers.

i just tried on the mk costume and… i kind of look like elaine stritch and kurt cobain’s weird, copycat friend who can’t really find his own style so he’s trying theirs at the same time. obviously there’s nothing WRONG with that but… wait. let’s do the math:



MARY-KATE. MATH WINS AGAIN. stay in school.